In Loving Memory of Karen L. Vespia
May 27, 1956 - April 6th, 2023
On April 6th, 2023, we lost a very special angel from this earth. Karen first and foremost a wife and a mother, but she was also a daughter, sister, a friend and to me, I considered her just as much of a mother to me as if she actually had given birth to me. Her and I had a very special bond that by no means was easy to achieve. Like her, I'm very strong willed and thick headed. However, her and I were raised in very much different manners from each other. She had a normal childhood, whereas, I had a broken childhood - and with that, we had very different perspectives on various things. I didn't realize it when we first came into each other's lives', but my whole life was about to take a journey like no other.
You see, I'm not a very easy person to be around. I don't trust easily; I didn't have the best manners - I came into her life very broken. Little did I know she was about to change my life entirely for the better. It wasn't easy by any means and her and I had it out more times than I could count, but she was bound and determined. To be honest, I think she was in for the fight of her life to have the daughter that she never had, and she still had so much motherly love to give. She was a fixer - she was always there when I needed her, day or night. She'd lend a listening ear when I needed it but also gave the best advice. We didn't always see eye to eye, but her efforts were always sincere. She was a ball buster and always made people laugh. She always did what was best for her children (including me) even if it meant giving the shirt off her back.
When I first came into her life, she said to me, "You just watch - one day I will get you to be family-oriented". Family was everything to her. And I truly believe if she had a choice in the matter, she would still be here to this day. Unfortunately, God had bigger plans for her and her time here on earth was finished. A dear friend of mine once asked me if I had ever seen the movie "Nanny Mcfee". I responded, "Yes!" She asked me if I had remembered what Nanny Mcfee said to the children in the movie. I responded, "If you need me, I'll stay but if you no longer need me then I shall go". My friend said, "That's right and maybe that same theory applies to your mother-in-law. Maybe you no longer needed her, so God took her to heaven where she is needed more."
I just wanted to take a minute here to list some things that I remember of her because I want you to know her like I did.
She was a fully-fledged supporter of Donald Trump. She was a lover of tea and Stephen King movies. She loved the holidays, especially Halloween and Christmas. She always made THE best death by chocolate truffle and apple cobbler. She was a very clean person; everything always had a place in her home, and nothing was to ever be out of place. She enjoyed simple things like clean sheets on the bed. Her favorite music artists were Bob Segar and John Mellencamp. She enjoyed evenings in playing her games on the computer, talking to her friends and family on the phone and watching T.V shows like Andy Griffith and Gunsmoke. She was a survivor of breast cancer and rocky mountain spotted fever. Like I previously mentioned, she was a very strong-willed woman and with that, she was very heavily opinionated about almost everything. Daisies were her favorite flower and pink was her favorite color. She loved vacationing back home to Rhode Island as well as New Hampshire. But she also enjoyed the occasional "buggy ride" around town. She loved celebrating birthdays and holiday's - she never missed a single person's birthday - always going all out for others as much as her means would allow...often times more because that was just the type of person she was.
The day she took her last breath, red cardinals were surrounding her house and I see them all the time, so they hold a very significant meaning to us. Losing her was the greatest hurt that my heart has ever known yet. I struggle with the loss of her every single day. There is not a single day that goes by where I don't think about her, miss her or want her back with us. I wish I could talk to her. I mean, I know I can always talk to her in spirit, but the fact that I can't hear what she would have said back to me, kills me. I often find myself telling myself that I'm not sure how to do this, I'm not sure how to get over losing her. I move on with life because I have to and I know that's what she would want, but it doesn't hurt any less and somedays are harder than others. I still find myself replaying all the events from when she first got sick all the way to the day she passed away, trying to make sense of it all and even though I already know all the things someone could say to me about that, none of it matters to me. There is not a single piece of advice that anyone could give me on this that would matter to me or make it better. I have to go through this by myself and on my own timeline. I'm not sure I will reach the acceptance stage of grief for a very long time. She took my whole heart with her when she left this earth and my whole perspective of the world is a different one than it once was.
She was and always will be my mother, my best-friend and someone I'll always miss and love dearly. I can only hope that she is in peace wherever she is up in heaven and that she is looking down on all of us. I hope that you are resting in peace, and I love you very much mom...always.
