It's been a crazy past few month's guys. Back in March, Jason's dad took a very nasty fall which resulted in EMS being called. He fractured his hip around his hip replacement and had to have surgery. Come to find out, he's been having mini strokes. He has a referral for neuro-psychology but can't get in for another eight months or so because everyone and their brother has a neurological issue. So, he most likely won't be seeing that doctor until around January 2026. I haven't been too well myself lately. I've been dealing with a lot of stress in my personal life and it's starting to show up physically now. I've been dealing with a lot of increased heart-rate issues lately and I'm currently in the process of working with several doctors to figure out what is going on. To say the least, these issues are making me extremely fatigued and feeling very ill most of the time. My primary care doctor won't put me on any medication right now to stabilize the heart-rate issues until I see the Cardiologist on June 2nd because if I'm sent for any tests, being on medication will skew the test results. So I'm just doing my best to reduce as many bad habits as I can for right now and eat as healthy as I can as well as staying well-hydrated in the mean time.
I quit vaping as of May 20th which was my birthday. I had quit one time before and then my dad died - it's not an excuse. I chose to pick it back up. Yes, I was dealing with an extremely stressful event but at the end of the day, there will always be stress. I don't do caffeine often but when I do, I'm now choosing decaf options which still has a small amount of caffeine, but is way, way less than actual caffeine choices. I switched from cream in my coffee to oak milk and Splenda instead of sugar. Yeah, they say Splenda isn't all that great either, but what the hell other options are there? The only way to be truly healthy is to eat chicken and broccoli all the time and drink water - that's it! I've had to take a step back from doing things that require me to "push" myself and ask Jason for help when I need it. I think recent events really scared him with what I'm going through.
I've been reading a little bit here and there and would love to do so more. It's just as of late, I've been very, very tired and I'll start reading and then my eyes will get very, very heavy and before I know it, the phone, tablet, whatever will just about fall out of my hands. Self-help books is what I'm currently interested in right now. It helps fill the gaps between therapy appointments. I'm reading one right now called, "Forgiving What You Can't Forget" by Lysa Terkeurst. A couple others that I'd like to read afterwards are "Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight) by Nic Saluppo and "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins. I was also thinking of reading "The Magic of Mindful Self-Awareness" by Matt Tenney but I read the sample and it just didn't do anything for me really.
Therapy has been helping me. I was so ready to cancel therapy this past Friday because I was out of work Wednesday and Thursday, spending from then until now mostly in bed trying to recover. I'm dealing with a lot lately mentally. I've been super hard on myself about my career and feeling bad about how I haven't been able to progress lately among other things. Thing is, maybe I just need to focus on my current position and managing that as it is. Maybe it's best that I don't progress until I'm able to get my health straightened out. Either way, one thing I'm working on is setting boundaries with people and realizing I can't come to everyone's rescue all the time. I need to put myself first sometimes and as of late, this is definitely one of those times. I know I've said it a lot and we all know just how terrible I am at keeping this damn blog up and running, but what I would like to do is be a lot more consistent with it...writing here that is. I love writing and keeping track of my daily musings, but I just haven't felt like I could ever prioritize it. Well, the times come that I prioritize what is important to me!
