Weekend Wrap-up: First Week at my New Job and Birthday Shenanigans

I had a wonderful first week at my new job!  I was in class the first two days and then the rest of the week I had to do training on the computer.  I only worked four hours on Friday, so I got an early start to my birthday weekend.  I finished all my computer training on Friday, so I start training hands on tomorrow.  The team lead says it takes a while before trainees are allowed to be on the main assembly of the product as we have to be signed off on each part of the assembly process of the product before we are fully released to main assembly.  

I'm so impressed by the company and how well they take care of their employees - they pay for medical, dental and vision in full.  They give you a complementary $50,000 in life insurance.  To opt for an additional $200,000 in life insurance only costs me like, $2.18 a week out of my paycheck.  The insurance is better than my last jobs insurance - I get my medications much cheaper.  I get 120 hours of PTO on my 91st day working for the company as well as accrue 7.33 hours on the first of every month which starts right away.  Bottled water, coffee (like 6 different flavors) is free, and the lunches are free as well.  They have an on-site doctor that is completely free to see and they offer the on-site doctors services to spouses and children 2+ years old and up.  They are working on building an on-site daycare of employee's children that will be free as well.  

All of it is really incredible.  Yearly performance review raises and two bonuses a year as well.  My particular position offers a $1,000 sign-on bonus as well.  The chairs we sit in at work are ergonomic chairs, so they are quite expensive...like, $700 a chair expensive.  I am having to work Friday's for now as the company has a huge back order to fill but it won't be forever.  The OT money will help me play catch-up anyways and I'm still out by 4:30 p.m on Fridays and have the weekends off so I'm okay with it...besides, I'm sitting down for my job all day...😂

The meals are pretty good for the most part.

My birthday was Saturday - I'm 32 now!  Jay took me to the Melting Pot for lunch/dinner.  It was our first time eating there and it was such a wonderful experience - I truly enjoyed myself!

I made American Chop Suey with salad and garlic bread for our dinner for the week.  I bought a few pairs of pants at Burlington that are super cute and only spent like $38!  I got all my household stuff done early this morning and spent the afternoon working on a painting I've been working on.

I did this painting in memory of my mother-in-law.

Overall, I had a great first week of work and a wonderful birthday weekend.  Next weekend, Jay and I are going over dad's house for dinner.  Next weekend will be a difficult weekend as it's mom's birthday...she would have been 67...I miss her so much every day...

(What I made for dinner for the week)

Jay has an interview for a higher position at his work tomorrow!  I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to wrap this up and go lay down - 4 a.m. comes early!  Have a great week everyone!

Weekly Wind-up Friday - Signs from an Angel

I've been doing a lot of processing since Jay's mom passed away.  Her and I had a very special bond.  We went through a lot together.  Losing her just about took me out physically and mentally.  I literally felt like my heart was breaking, like, I had literal chest pains.  I've missed her greatly since she has passed but to be honest, we lost her a while ago, like, back when she first had the stroke in the end of October last year.  I just believe that God was just buying us some more time to say our good-byes.  She is one hell of a strong women because she had battled so many things before in her life, but this fight was just a little too big for her.  I've been going through a lot of heartbreak and anger over her loss.  There are still many things I wonder that I most likely will never get the answers to.  I miss her every day and will continue to miss her every day - the pain I feel over losing her will never go away.  The only thing that seems to help me cope is observing things that feel like signs that she is with me...at least that is what I believe...

The Monday before she passed away, Jay's dad called us and told us that the two weeks the hospice nurse thought she had turned into more like three days.  From that Tuesday on, Jason and I started taking time out of work to be with her.  For the first time in a while, I didn't care about our jobs.  I just knew that we needed to be there for our mom.  I sat by her bedside all three days until she passed away.  I remember the day before she passed, Jay's dad had one of her hands and I had the other.  The hospice nurse asked if she could squeeze our hands and she squeezed so tightly - I was actually surprised how tightly she squeezed considering how weak she was...then the next day, nothing.  I couldn't even get her to open her eyes.  I kept an eye on her oxygen level - it was around 53...

I sang for her; I reminded her of what a good mother she was and that it was okay to leave us - that we'd all be okay.  I knew this was not the kind of life that she would want to live, and I didn't want her to suffer - none of us wanted that for her.  Truth was, she was never going to get better.  She was lucky to have survived as long as she did.

I told Jason's dad before we left that Thursday to make sure he opened a window in the living room (that's where her hospital bed was) to let her spirit out - she always believed that and wanted us to do that for her when that day came.  When we left that day, there were a few cardinal birds around the house.  I just knew it wasn't going to be long.  About four hours later we got a call from Jay's dad saying she had passed.  Planning and attending her services was so incredibly hard.  I was sad when my grandfather passed but I was still too young to understand a lot of things.  Being older and especially everything his mom taught me and helped me through, it really broke me.

When we went up to Rhode Island for her services, we seen some cardinals.  When we returned back home, my rose bush in front of the house was in full bloom.  I've been opening the bedroom window - it's my way of letting her come visit with me and in saying that I've seen quite a few cardinals in the backyard over the past week.  The beginning of last week, I had some prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy and went to go pick them up.  As I was driving there, a cardinal flew in front of my car and bounced off of it.  I was in total and complete shock.  I don't know if the damn thing is okay, but it definitely shocked me, a cardinal, nonetheless.

There was a day where I wasn't feeling well.  I had a killer migraine and got super emotional, missing her something extra because when I didn't feel well, I could call her and she would make me feel so much better.  I wrote a post about it on Facebook and then I shit you not, a cardinal flew right past the bedroom window.  I couldn't believe it.  Today, Jason was out cutting the grass and showed me this flower that was growing behind the retaining wall in front of our house.  Just one, single flower.  A DAISY - Jay's mom's favorite flower and in his favorite color too!

I've also been working on a second painting that is a reflection of where I picture Jay's mom is in heaven.  My perception of heaven is a little different than most.  I picture heaven to be full of beautiful colors, all the colors in their right magical contexts.  It's a place free of both mental and physical pain.  It's a utopia.

(I'm still working on it obviously)

I told her before she passed to make sure she gives us signs that she is with us and she is doing such a great job at doing that...

I'm so incredibly grateful...

I love and miss you angel mom.

It's Been Awhile Since I Could...

 ...hold my head up high.

And I'm still struggling with it.  I know I haven't been here in a while.  Life has been extremely difficult lately.  I'm not going to make this longer and more drawn out than it needs to be, so I'm just going to say it - Jay's mom passed way.  She passed away April 6th.  It's been a very difficult past few month's.  I've been taking this loss extremely hard.  I also made the decision to quit my job as a quality tech.  I actually quit Electrolux altogether as I just wasn't happy in the environment in which I was working, and it hasn't been good for my health or life/work balance.  I'm starting with a company called Arthrex on May 15th.  It's definitely a significant pay cut but I will hopefully be so much happier working at this company.  I'll get my forty hours in four days and overtime is on Friday's and it won't be a full day on Friday's either.  I won't have to work every Friday either, but I think the supervisor told me that right now Fridays are mandatory then once the OT starts thinning out, I'll be on rotational Friday's.  I'm excited for a better life/work balance. Besides, I'll get regular raises and bonuses.  I'm pretty much guaranteed weekends off.

Losing Jason's mom really opened my eyes to a lot of things.  One of those things being is that life is too short to not stop and enjoy the finer, more simpler things in life.  Money is not everything.  I've come to realize that it's important to take time to enjoy life - it's important for both your physical and mental wellbeing.  Since I've been seeing my therapist since December, she has helped me through quite a bit even though we haven't really scratched the surface of processing a lot of things that have happened in my life.  And also, since having quit my job last Friday, I've been enjoying some MUCH needed time to myself.  I've been opening the window in the bedroom and letting the natural light and breeze enter the room - the cats have been enjoying it too!  

Like I said, I've realized a lot since Jay's mom passed away.  Her and I were extremely close and had a very special bond.  Money is definitely not everything - I worked my ass off to become a quality tech which involved a fancy job title, fancy pay, fancy limited supervision and a fancy amount of responsibility.  One thing I prided myself in was always, ALWAYS being humble, no matter what I obtain in my life because one thing I have learned, have seen happen and have personally experienced myself is as fast as something was given to you, it can be taken away at any time.  That being said, while it was still a difficult decision, I had to do what was best for my health.  After many times of being out on medical leave and countless discussions with my doctor, it was either change my job or eventually become permanently disabled and not be able to work at all.

My first ever painting - I discovered a love for painting while I've been resting and relaxing between jobs.  I just love opening my bedroom window and sit in my bed painting, listening to some country music.

I've bought a new hydrating facial cleanser to try and clear up some of my skin issues on my face.  I bought it last weekend and it's working pretty well so far!  I painted a beach on a canvas, cooked, cleaned, taken naps, watched some episodes of Greys Anatomy, listened to music, gamed, snuggled with my cats, spent some quality time with Jay and ate myself out of house and home! 😂 So many people are worried about how much money they can make.  You can't take money and material things with you to the grave.  I'm not saying that we don't save because we definitely do, however, I'm not going to allow my life to be consumed by it.  Having seen it firsthand, unless you have ample money, if you ever become critically ill, they will take all your assets and even put a lean on your house before Medicaid will kick in and cover, so you might as well just live while you're alive.  

(Just some things I have made for food 😛)

I don't know about you, but it doesn't make sense to me to work yourself to death for 75-80% of your life to maybe (key word here being MAYBE) live comfortably for 10-15% of it because let's face it, people are just not living until 100 years old these days.  That seems crazy to me.  I don't need to have a whole lot in life.  I'm okay opening that window, letting the natural breeze and light come through my bedroom and watching the birds and squirrels do their thing.  I'm not a very peopley-person anyway.  I enjoy just loving Jason and our fur babies and going on our couple vacations a year.  I'm not hard to please - just don't forget to feed me every once in a while! 😅  

I haven't been able to see my therapist since I quit my job because I don't currently have insurance, but once I start with Arthrex, I should be insurance starting day one of employment.  I will give myself some time to get adjusted with my job then reschedule with my therapist.  I've had some pretty awful days, but they haven't been all bad.  I'm working through it and doing some soul searching.  This is my last weekend before I start Arthrex on Monday, so I'm just kicking back and spending time with Jay.  These next few weekends are going to be hard with Mother's Day coming up, my birthday and then seven days later, Jay's mom's birthday.  The whole first week at Arthrex I'll be in classes.  I'm so incredibly excited for this new journey!