I'm a 90's baby - I was born in 1991 to be exact! I thought it would be fun to do a post on things that I enjoyed in the 90's! I really don't think I need to explain any of these - they speak for themselves. There are so many more things that I enjoyed about the 90's like roller-skating at Roller Magic and going to the Discovery Zone. The 90's were truly the best - a time when there were less worries in the world and it was a better place.
This past week went by quick as I had Monday off. I got ahold of the podiatrist office finally and scheduled the remaining appointments I needed to have my other three toenails removed. I'm leaving work every other Thursday starting this coming Thursday early so I can get another one removed. Our dryer has been acting up. Jay's dad and I tried to fix it this weekend, but we can't tell where the problem is coming from. The units are around ten years old, so we are just going to buy a new unit. Jay's dad is going to take all of the metal from the dryer for his own personal use and we may try to sell our washer. We are purchasing a "one and done" unit, a unit that washes and dries all in one. I went to Lowe's and took a look at it on Saturday with Jay's dad. I fell in love with it, so I took Jay today to take a look at it and he fell in love with it too. We are putting half down and financing the rest for 24-months no interest.
Warning: This post may contain content that is triggering or excessively morbid. Viewer discretion is advised.
I've been thinking a lot about doing this lately. What provoked this thought were two different event's that actually happened this year. So, as you know, Jay's mom passed away back in April. But another wonderful lady that I had been following her journey on TikTok named Haley lost her battle to cervical cancer this year as well. She inspired me to think about doing this myself as she prepared her husband and son for her death as much as she possibly could with the time that she had left on earth as well as for the afterlife that they would have to endure without her after her passing. Not too many people think about death when they are very much alive and in most cases, you're never prepared for it. However, with all the turmoil and grief that Jason, his father and I have gone through and continue to go through over having lost his mom this year, I think this is something that I would very much like to do, especially for Jason. It absolutely shattered my heart when Jay's mom passed away and I'm still having a tough time with it. There are a lot of things that I wonder and try to figure out every day, replaying events that went down and wondering what she would have thought, wanted or said to or about certain things. I don't want Jay to ever be left guessing when it comes to me - if I ever give him anything in this lifetime, keeping him guessing for the rest of his life after I leave this god forsaken earth is not something that I'd want to put him through.
I want Jason to know exactly what I think and feel about him and us and allow him to be able to read it as often as he needs to in order to bring him peace. We've already been together going on 13 years this coming November - he's my forever person. We've talked about our wishes for certain things should we both take a turn for the worst at any given time. We also talked about if we'd ever try to move on and fall in love again too. We had a lot of these conversations, especially after his mom passed away. These conversations are never easy, but they are necessary. The longer I spend with Jason, the more I'm sure that I'll never move on and fall in love again because no one could ever compare to him. I know a lot of people would say, "You don't know that you wouldn't fall in love again..." Well, yes, I do. If I was committed to him while we were alive, that won't stop in the afterlife, at least not for me. There is no way that with everything I have personally been through and everything that we have personally been through that I would ever open up to anyone else. If Jay chooses to move on with someone else after I pass away, as hard as it is to even imagine that, I woefully respect his decision to do so. I feel that I might even write a letter to his future partner as well - nothing hateful...just a letter of mindfulness to her.
These letters are going to take me some time to write as I want to make sure I express every last detail of every last thought that I want to convey, especially the one I write to Jay. I will place it in an envelope and put it somewhere safe, more than likely, a fire safe box and I will tell Jason the whereabouts of the letters and that they are not to be opened until the day comes or when he is ready - but not before the day comes. Jason means that much to me that I want to do this for him but also because I know how he is, and I know he'll need it to help him through - he holds all his emotions and feelings in. Second to losing his parents and/or his brother, it will devastate him if he ever loses me. I'm not saying that to be cocky - it's just that we really do rely on each other so much, we have been through a lot of shit that was meant to break us, and we have built a trust and a love like no other. Not very many people think to do something like this for their other half before they pass. If there are two things that I don't do very well, it's trusting and loving. Jason is the only one in this entire world that will ever get the entirety of me in everything that I am - he's the only one that will ever have my full trust and love.
It may be morbid, but I think it's a selfless, sincere gesture. If you're someone who loves as deeply as I do, you'll understand - especially if you don't love easily.
Disclaimer: This post is from the perspective of a subscriber to medical insurance.
Lately, I've been having a lot of thoughts about the way medical insurance companies work or rather, don't work. About two years ago, I found myself sitting in a bariatric surgeon's office discussing options for weight loss due to my various other medical conditions that I struggle with. I was in and out of the hospital a lot two years ago. I have two different back diseases - facet joint hypertrophy and degenerative disc disease. I also have fatty liver disease as well as gastroparesis. In the way of eating healthier and exercising, these two very conventional means of losing weight are unfortunately not very much on my side due to my medical issues. The issues I have with gastroparesis makes it difficult for me to eat healthy as a lot of the things I'd have to eat aggravate my gastroparesis and cause it to flare up. On the exercise front, I'm in a constant state of pain with my back issues so I'm very limited on exercise to the point where it wouldn't be enough to lose the amount of weight that I need to.
The doctor wanted to perform gastric bypass on me for this reason but also because the surgery would allow them to bypass the stomach. My stomach paresis causes my stomach emptying to be delayed by four hours. Unfortunately, even with the more than justified medical reasoning, insurance will not pay for it. In the past three years, I've had two different types of "working insurance" and they both will not cover it even if the doctor has a medical reason for it. If I chose not to work and got Medicaid, I'd be all set as it would be covered. Now, I could end up with diabetes, cirrhosis of the liver and the list goes on. What baffles me the most is that insurance is willing to pay out more in the long run to save on an upfront surgery that could prevent them paying out more in the long run. Now I could understand if the patient in question was healthy enough to lose weight on their own and just wanted gastric bypass surgery for quick results, cosmetic reasons, etc. But insurance companies are not thinking in the long-term that they would have to pay for potentially countless other medical treatment for various other medical conditions that they may could have avoided if they just covered gastric bypass. At least change the terms and conditions of covering it to where it's pending pre-authorization.
I got so discouraged two years ago that I just gave up on any and all idea of ever getting healthy. I felt like the healthcare system failed me, insurance failed me. But this is not the first time I've been through this. This also applies to the mental health field all the way up to my recent experience at the podiatrist. Two years ago, I was able to get two toenails removed at one appointment. The podiatrist informed me at my appointment this past Thursday that now insurance makes them schedule each toenail removal separately. For what reason when you have to get them removed anyways? The insurance company also won't cover preventative measures to have toenail growth corrected. So again, you rather just keep paying for patients to have reoccurring issues then? This is all crazy to me!
I get that insurance companies don't want to pay out for anything that is not necessary or "cosmetic" but at least allow coverage under the terms and conditions that the treatment is necessary per the doctor to prevent unnecessary reoccurring issues. This topic really infuriates me as people have to suffer at the expense of the insurance companies, but more so, if you're a lazy couch potato who just doesn't want to work and gets Medicaid, you're all set - but the working people are screwed, am I right? Do I have that correct? Are we seeing out of the same lense here? This all stems back to even when my mother-in-law fell sick.
Obviously, the hospital took care of her conditions because a hospital can't deny you with or without insurance. However, when it came to her being transferred to the rehab center, insurance only covers 100 days max in a rehab center despite your medical condition. So, what you're telling me is that you're going to classify and group up everyone as a whole instead of looking at all the different variables that determine who may need more or less time in rehab? Why are they not making exceptions based on individual's situations? You can't compare someone who had a broken femur to someone who had a massive stroke. Make that make sense?
Now, I don't know the ins and outs of insurance - I'm only speaking from a subscriber of insurance and what I have personally experienced with it. I'm only seeing it from one perspective, so if anyone who has more incite on what I'm experiencing and can teach me something more about this topic, I'd definitely be open to having a further discussion on this.
I'm awful at remembering things, especially when I feel like they are things that I can put on the back burner for more important things. That being said, here are the things I need to do that I keep forgetting about:
☐ Schedule vet appointments for fur babies that are due to go
☐ Schedule Rebel for a haircut
☐ Schedule myself for a haircut
☐ Schedule myself a pap smear
I can really do the two middle ones at the same time. PetSmart and Great Clips are in the same plaza. So, one Friday I have off, I can knock them two off at the same time. I need to schedule the fur babies for their check-up/vaccination appointment as well. I could do that tomorrow when I also make my phone call to the podiatrist. If I'm being honest, I've been putting off the pap smear but I'm going to call and schedule that as well tomorrow. I have a week off in October, so I think that's when I'll get that done and over with. I hate going for a pap smear as I think most women do...but it's something that has to get done, nonetheless.
I guess I just made this post to mostly remind myself not to forget about doing these things because low and behold, it'd be bound to happen!
I think what's on today's agenda is just a few more household chores and relaxation.
Happy Sunday ya'll! Whatever it is you need to get done, I hope you do!
Happy Saturday, folks!
Work was pretty good this past week. I decided to take a PTO day from work on Thursday and schedule me an emergency appointment to have my right big toenail removed because it just kept getting infected. Friday's is OT for me so if I take a Thursday off, I also get Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. I also took this Monday off just in case. Seeing how I was getting a surgical procedure done, I wanted time to heal. So, Thursday morning I took off to the podiatrist, thinking I was just going to get a toenail removed. When the doctor came in to look at my feet, she told me that the infected toe had a tumor. Excuse me - what? Yes. You read that right - a tumor. I was just as shocked as you are reading this right now. Apparently, you can get benign tumors in your body from trauma, and you can also get a tumor in your toe at that!
While I was there, we discussed the treatment plan for the other three toenails. At first, I was convinced that I wanted them all removed, and chemical burned for permanent removal because I'm sick and tired of them growing back in wrong, getting infected and having to keep getting them removed. She told me that I might want to explore other options first before doing a permanent removal because there is no going back after that. With the way insurance works now, you can only get one toenail removed at a time. Each toenail removal requires a 2-week post-op follow-up. We discussed this new method of corrective putty that will hopefully train the toenail to grow in properly. This takes place roughly four months after the toenails have been removed, so with that being said, I need to schedule these other three removals back-to-back. The goal is to get one removed at each post-op follow-up appointment from the previous removal. I e-mailed my boss and let him know about the plan and to see if it was something he could help me out with. I'll be off work Monday as well so I will be speaking with my doctor's nurse at some point to go over the plan and see if it's something she'd be on board with.
I changed my bedding over and did tons of laundry. We're just going to eat Salisbury steaks this week for dinner with roasted red potatoes, corn and coleslaw. Isabelle hung out with me through all my household chores yesterday from changing the bedding to doing the laundry - she was mad when I took the socks away from her! LOL! Then she wore herself out and found herself a nice comfy blanket on the bed to rest on. I came back into the bedroom after starting the first load of laundry and found this:
Jay hates when I take pictures of him sleeping, but when he has all three of my fur babies with him, how can I not get them all in the same picture! Jay went out to cut the grass while I was inside getting things done. Once he got all showered up, we went and got Burger King then came home to eat dinner and watch Black Sheep with Chris Farley and David Spade. The first soak I did on my toe yesterday absolutely sucked! The gauze was stuck to my toe, and I had to basically pry it off. I did so under the water I was soaking in, and it still hurt like a bitch.
I dozed off early last night then woke up and ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's at 3 a.m. because my throat was incredibly sore and also, why not? That's one of the many perks of being an adult - you can do what you want, when you want. Tomorrow I'm going to do another load of laundry and get a few other things done around the house. I'm probably going to make us grilled cheese for lunch with some tomato soup then we are having fish sticks for dinner! I haven't had them in long time, so I thought, "Why not?" I'm also going to prepare our sides for our dinner for the week and get them all cooked up. The Salisbury steak is just in a frozen pack that can be done up in the microwave, so I'm going to just pop them in fresh. I know, I know - frozen meal but I'm just tired of actually cooking and just wanted a break from it.
I hope ya'll are having a wonderful weekend.
