I've been dreading this post.
TRIGGER WARNING: Traumatic event.
These last few weeks have been some of the most difficult weeks of my life...
Friday, October 28th, Jason and I were both sitting on the bed in our bedroom when we received a call from Anmed emergency department that his mother was taken in and that we needed to get down to the E.R as soon as possible. That's a call that no one ever wants to receive. Jason and I got ourselves together real quick and rushed out the door to the E.R. This day is a day that I will never forget.
I told Jason to just park in the first parking space he could find. We both rushed up to the E.R - I went through one door and Jason through another. The women at the desk looked up at me and I quickly said aloud, "We were called down here..." She responded, "Who are you here for?" I responded, "Karen Vespia" and they immediately without hesitation opened up the doors to the E.R and immediately gave us instructions on how to get back there to her. I barely even listened to those instructions. Jason came around the bend of the hall from coming in the other entrance and I pulled him with me through the double doors to the E.R. The nurses from there helped guide us. When we turned the corner, what came next, I wasn't prepared for...I couldn't prepare...there was nothing in this whole world that could have even helped me prepare for this.
My heart sank into my stomach as I seen my mother-in-law laying lifeless on life support, all kinds of tubes in her mouth. I ran up to my father-in-law and just fell apart. I remember asking him, "How?" He responded, "She just went downhill very quickly..." I asked him again, "But HOW? I JUST SEEN HER ON MONDAY!" He said, "Yeah...I know but she just took real sick unexpectedly this morning..."
The Monday before, I dropped off some homemade chicken gnocchi soup to them because she had been sick for a while, like for four weeks sick. She previously had been tested for Covid and the Flu and they both came back negative. She would call me on the phone, crying about how bad she felt and at one point even told me that she felt like she was dying, that the migraines she was having were terrible. It's hard to tell with her when she is really bad because everything she goes through is catastrophic to her. I gave her tips on things to try as I do have some medical training having worked as a care giver for special need adults. She didn't want to try anything that I advised her to try. I asked her husband to monitor her pulse ox, temp and blood pressure. She would let him take her pulse ox and temp but not the blood pressure. I'd call every day and ask if she let him take her blood pressure yet and the answer was always the same, "no". I even got on the phone with her a couple times and asked her if she would let him take her blood pressure and she absolutely refused.
She had seen our family doctor a couple times for these issues, tried her on a couple of different medications but that was it. We were perplexed as to what was going on with her. Her husband had a few arguments with her, trying to get her to go to the E.R and she wouldn't go. He told us what he had experienced the night prior and the morning of with her but for the sake of privacy and respect, I will not go into detail publicly about that. The doctor that she was assigned to in Anmed E.R ICU told us that her survival rate wasn't good at all. The only thing we observed her doing was she would shimmy her legs under the sheets every so often, but we didn't know if that was her consciously doing it or if it was just neurological response from the trauma. That same night, they transferred her to Greenville Memorial which is approximately thirty to thirty-five minutes away.
We were all severely devastated.
She has now been in Greenville Memorial for 22 days today. It's felt like a lifetime waiting to see if and how she was going to come out of this. The doctor at Greenville memorial called us that night when we got back into town and told us that out of five being the worst, she was a little over a four and basically reiterated what the doctor at Anmed had said, that her survival rate wasn't looking good. A couple days later when Jason and I went to go see her, she opened her eyes for us. I got close to her, looked right into her eyes and asked her, "Do you want to fight this mom?" She looked right back into my eyes and shook her head yes. I asked her if I could hold her hand and she shook her head yes. When I placed my hand in hers, she squeezed tightly, and I couldn't have been happier. The first two weeks, she went through a lot. The first night she arrived to Greenville, they put a drain tube in the top of her head - her prognosis was subdermal hematoma which is a rare representation of a brain aneurysm. The blood had pooled around her cerebellum hence the need for a drain. It's rare that a subdermal hematoma happens in the absence of a head injury but unfortunately, this ended up being the case for her - more than likely she had an emergent episodic hypertensive event which I truly believe is why she didn't want her blood pressure taken.
A few days later, they wanted to go in and remove the intubation due to it aggravating her throat excessively. The doctors were afraid to remove the intubation without a backup emergency airway, so we decided as a family for them to go ahead and put in a trach which I'm glad we did because the doctor said it was totally the best decision. The plan is for the trach to be temporary but would be safer for her to be hooked and unhooked from ventilation and it would be more comfortable for her. She also needed to have a PEG tube feeding tube installed into her stomach. The other details are too private to share. She is making small amounts of improvement each day, but she also has days followed by being too exhausted to make effort which is all understandable in her condition. Physical therapy has begun working with her and she is making improvements with the pressure tests that they are conducting on her brain so hopefully the drain tube will be coming out soon - they have been monitoring her brain through CT scans and listening to the blood flow as well as measuring her fluid drainage output. The day she had her drain tube put in; they coiled all other potential aneurysmal threats as well as continuing to make sure that she isn't having basal spasms.
The doctor said she definitely had a stroke when the aneurysm happened. She is improving little by little each day. This woman has fought through so much in her life and she is choosing to fight through this. She is a true warrior.
I still to this day from the first day this took place, keep my phone on ring at all times even when sleeping just in case but even since the first day this happened to her, we have not received any emergent calls - thank GOD. I prayed harder than I EVER have in my entire life. One of her sisters flew in to see her as well as two of her nieces and her other son all of which are from Rhode Island. Her friends Alison and Gordon have also come to see her. Her husband goes up and sees her roughly every other day. Jason and I went up every single day for about the first week but have since spaced our visits out with her a bit so she can rest and focus on getting better. Of course, we want to be with her every waking minute of the day, but the nurses, physical therapists and doctors also have to take care of her, and we don't want to chance overly exposing her to anything from the outside that one could bring into her. She already had a bout of pneumonia from the intubation but still.
I had pictures made up of her husband and sons to put on a table up there in her room so she can see them even when they aren't there. She has a couple of stuffed animals and a special good-luck unicorn made of felt roses in pink and white. I also provided a 'Get Well' card that everyone can sign that comes to visit her. I wear a butterfly necklace that she bought me as well as keep an angel pendant she gave me close to me at all times.
I haven't been doing well with this at all. We are all grieving over her illness. I'm going through it in a slightly different way because of my upbringing. I consider her just as much of a mom as my actual mom. My doctor currently has me out of work under FMLA for chronic stress which has been affecting my blood pressure. I've had trouble sleeping and terrible, horrific nightmares. The doctor prescribed me a medication to treat my symptoms as well as Ativan to sleep at night which has helped a lot. I've gone through every emotion you could think of - mostly anger and sadness. I've been extremely short-tempered due to the distress that I'm experiencing. I still wonder why a woman in her sixties with a history of high blood pressure along with a chief complaint of chronic, debilitating migraines wasn't sent for a CT of the head weeks prior to this event but that's neither here nor there at this point. We are just grateful that she is alive and fighting this like a champ! Whatever challenges she has ahead of her, we will be right by her side through all of it.
I've been using my time away from work to take care of myself medically and spiritually, organizing and deep cleaning my house and spending time with my family during this difficult time. I also have been in the process of find a therapist for treatment of my mental health needs. I have an appointment on the 28th of this month which will mark one month since mom fell emergently ill. The day after that, I have a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician. Little by little, day by day is the motto I'm living by right now. This is also the motto that is tattooed on my left arm: "Little by little, day by day - what's meant for you, will find its way". Through taking care of myself, I've also been helping out as much as I can, where I can - whether that be cooking for dad and Jay, being a listening ear or helping out in any other regard that may be needed. I worry about dad as he is not the healthiest himself. We've been keeping an eye on him as well. Afterall, this is his wife who has gone through this catastrophic event - it's tough on all of us but not as much as it is him.
God is working with mom every day to help her get through this. Once the drain tube comes out, she will be transported to a long-term rehabilitation hospital that is affiliated with the hospital that she is at now - all the doctors and nurses have been excellent with her and us during this entire process! This will definitely be a long road to recovery for her. And this is what the last three weeks has roughly looked like for us. It completely broke us all, but time will heal her and us. Please pray for our family at this time or just keep us in your thoughts if you aren't the religious type. We appreciate it more than you know...
