It's Been a Stressful Few Weeks

I know I haven't posted in a few weeks - I've just been going through it lately.  Jason got suspended a few weeks ago due to a mistake he made at work and he just got suspended yet again, but this time for something that wasn't his fault.  October 6th was Jason's mom's six months that she's been passed away.  I've been struggling a lot with getting my shit together, feeling like everything around me is just...artificial.  Last Friday I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment with my primary care doctor and I forgot all about it due to it being Jay's mom's six month passing.  I went and got the memorial tattoo for Jay's mother and it came out absolutely beautiful.

I've been thinking about a lot of different things lately like about our future, my health, my career, etc.  After having missed my doctor's appointment last Friday, I made the decision to go back to therapy.  I hadn't been since around April or May because of Jay's mom being so sick and being between jobs.  I need to take some time to focus on myself.  I'm trying to lose weight, take better care of myself and my house and overall, just want to work on getting my shit together in general.  I want to take time to myself to heal from everything - my past and losing Jay's mom.  I'm in the process of rolling over my retirement plans from my previous employers to my current one.  My therapist thinks it would be a good idea for me to write my thoughts and feelings down, so I'm going to keep track of my thoughts, feelings and my therapy journey.  She told me that all the things I'm feeling and going through with my grief is all normal.  I felt that six months had been too long to be grieving but she assured me that it's actually not that long at all and that most people grieve on average from the day of passing, up to three years...at least the heaviest part of it.

I've kinda just been going through the motions and running on auto-pilot.  I'm not really in the mood to discuss what I've been going through with my grief right now, but I would like to mention it at a later date.  I mainly just wanted this post to be a short and sweet update.

Monday Musings: I've Lost Myself

My whole life I've been going through things that have caused me to lose myself.  I never really knew the definition of self-control.  Being sheltered as a child and others making all my decisions for me, then when I turned old enough to make them on my own, I spiraled out of control.  In the process, fragments of me just floating around, creating this glitched out version of a being (me).  Most of the time, I feel artificial.  I'm not sure I've ever experienced my true sense of self...

Just when I think I've figured it all out, I find myself yet again back at the drawing board - trying to figure out who I am.  This past year, after having lost Jay's mom, I've let my health go down the shitter.  My eating habits are atrocious and I haven't been taking care of myself like I should in general.  I don't really want to be around anyone, so I guess self-isolating is a thing for me right now.  The only credit I can really give myself right now is that I'm somewhat keeping up with my adult duties - dishes, cooking, bills, grocery shopping, laundry, changing bedding.  I guess I should be proud of that at least.  I want to do better; I want to be better for me.  I've been going through a lot lately.  My health hasn't been the best.  I've had toenail surgery after toenail surgery which I'm still not done with.  I still have to schedule my pap smear.  The fur babies need appointments made for them.  I think the whole "therapy" thing is a pipe dream.  The reason I say that is because I struggled for so many years to find a proper therapist.  I finally found one that worked for me and my new jobs insurance doesn't cover her.  I've learned a lot of valuable lessons from her that I can continue to utilize, but I still feel that she had so much more to teach me.

Lately, I've just been allowing myself to slip into this void, like, I'm just running on autopilot.  I feel overwhelmed.  Like, I've been the glue, holding up everything and everyone else around me, but the reality is, I don't even have my own shit together.  I feel like I'm working for everyone else but myself.  I'm not really sure how to fully communicate this in its entirety - there are still a lot of things I'm confused on.  I've always sucked at being a person.  I try my best, but my best isn't good enough for me.  I'm not happy.  I have a vision in my head of what I kind of what I want out of life and for myself, but attempting to successfully achieve it has been almost impossible for me.  Hopefully my supervisor will approve my time off in October as I would like that time to do some self-reflecting and work on myself.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense but I feel like it's something I just had to get off my chest.  I think I may start reading self-help books and/or podcasts to replace therapy and just try my best to self-doctor through these issues I've been having.

Things I want to do with my week off in October

I'm so incredibly excited for my week off from work in October.  I decided on Halloween week as it's my favorite time of the year!  With Jay's mom getting sick and passing away earlier this year, we didn't take an actual vacation this year.  But with the generous PTO that my new job offers, I'm able to take some time.  Everyone has already been forewarned in advance that the week I'm taking off in October is a week for me to get some much-needed things done and get some R&R.

Because I need this much-needed time off, I don't want to waste any of it.  I've already started thinking about what I'd like to get done and what I'd like to do with that time off.  This is what I have so far!

Organize both spare bedrooms

Deep clean both bathrooms

Clean windows

Clean moldings

Read

Try new baking and cooking recipes

Sand and paint Jays outside shelves

Shop for discounted Halloween decor

Binge watch Halloween movies and eat lots of candy

Blog of course :)

Have a little self-detox-destress spa day (I like to do these every now and again)

Get a haircut (if I hadn't already)

Work on my side-business some

**If I have time, get topsoil and weed killer to prep the front of our house for flowers in the Spring

All Things Fall that make my Heart Happy

 

Cool Fall nights

Crisp Fall mornings

Apple cider

Baking

Pumpkin spice EVERYTHING!

Fall foliage

Halloween

Halloween movies and candy

Sweaters and leggings

All the scents of Fall

Hot cocoa

Soup

Fall festivals

Cozy nights in the house

Fall comfort foods

Fall/Halloween Decor

5 Things to Think About When Starting a Business

So, as I made mention in previous posts, I'm in the process of starting up a small business.  Eventually I will be selling several different custom-made items, but for right now, I'm focusing on custom phone cases to build up my revenue in order to expand my business.  By the first of the year, I'd like my business to be in full swing!  Creating a business, no matter how big or small takes time, patience, money and planning.  I've had to think about a lot of different variables when thinking about what I wanted to do for a business and how I was going to be successful with it!  So, let's get started!

#1.  What do you want to make/sell?

This is important.  If you're going to stick with it successfully, you need to love what you're going to make and/or sell.  Not everyone who sells things, makes them their selves.  It just so happens that I want to make what I am going to sell because it gives me a sense of pride knowing I made something custom for someone and they are going to love it!

#2. Who is your market going to be?

This goes hand in hand with number one.  Whatever you're going to make and/or sell, you have to make sure there is a viable market for it.  You have to make sure it's in demand so that your business will be profitable.  Everyone has a cell phone and most people like changing out their phone cases.  For maximum profits, you want to make sure it's something that can cater to all ages and genders and that there is a lot of variety to choose from because let's face it, everyone has different preferences on what they like.

#3. What do you want your profit margin to be?

If you do research, you will find that a decent profit margin is 70/30.  70% cost, 30% profit.  If your business allows for it, you'd be extremely successful if you can achieve 50% cost, 50% profit.  Like with the business I'm going for, that's very achievable but sometimes can't always be achieved depending on what the customer wants and what the supplier availability is for material.  Searching around for the best deals for product is a constant job but in saying this, you definitely don't want to sacrifice quality.  Word gets around and you don't want it to be a negative one about your business!  You have to put money in to make money.  Especially when you're making something - trial and error to perfect what you're doing costs some extra money, so you have to plan accordingly.

#4. Longevity of the business.

Typically, most people want their business to not just be successful, but they also want it to last a long time.  Cell phones will always be around until the end of time, so I know my business is secure.  No matter what you do, you will almost always have competition, but the good news is, when you're making something custom that no one else has, your business is yet again secure.  You do want to work on perfecting your craft however if you have plans of people buying what you're selling.

#5. Time Management.

I have a full-time job and this business on the side.  Plus, I have a personal life on top of that.  You need to have a plan in place to put out product in a timely manner in order to get the highest turnaround from it.  The least amount of time to get the product out, the better.  Leave the more time-consuming projects for commission-based sales only, but also have product that customers can choose from that is done and ready to go!  You also want to avoid getting overwhelmed and burnt out, so set realistic goals and don't make promises that you can't keep.  If the product that you're making takes a significant time to make, communicate this to your market.  Example: Processing time may take 7-10 business days due to the nature of product being custom created!

There are definitely more things to think about when starting a business, but these are the top five that I've spent the most time thinking about!

Weekly Wrap-up: Sorry Guys - Been Feeling Drained This Week

I meant to do more posting this week, but I've just been so exhausted and still healing from toenail removal surgery.  I left work early on Wednesday due to my toe hurting and took today off from work because my toe just really needed to be out and away from socks and shoes all day to get air to it.  My podiatrist wanted me to switch from triple antibiotic ointment to iodine and holy shit - that stuff is expensive!  The ointment is just locking in too much moisture and delaying healing.  I was able to manage some small household chores like dishes, folding laundry and sweeping today.  I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow after Jay leaves for work.  The week was kind of dragging this week at work and by Wednesday, I had zero patience left with my toe bothering me.

I picked up this cute little notebook while I was at Walgreens today that I'm going to use either for notes I want to take on the books I read or to make lists of things I want to buy and/or redo in our house...or maybe both!  

I'm starting to think more and more what I want to do for my business.  I ordered some materials to do easier, cheaper in price (not cheaper in quality) phone cases.  I'll still do the decoden upon customer request, but they are definitely pricier than what most people are wanting to pay, so I want to come up with a more affordable way to make custom phone cases that are also less labor intensive.  I just got done making this one for a customer.

I'm making two more decoden ones for myself.  I already did the drip down the sides.  Not sure when I will get to the decoden and laying down of pieces.  Like I said, it's a bit labor intensive so I need to be able to dedicate time where I feel good enough and have the ability to focus on them.  I prefer the look of the decoden to the sealed resin ones that I'll be doing, but these decoden ones range from $45-60 per case.  The resin sealed ones will be around $25-30 per a case, so about half the price.  I show my customers each step of the process before I make anything permanent on these cases because I want my customers to LOVE them.  Speaking of which, I was taking a video clip of the custom drip I did down the sides of this case to show my customer and when I replayed the video, I saw an orb fly through.  I decided to pause it on the orb, screenshot it and zoom in.  See if you can see what I can.

Do you see a woman in the orb?  I see my mother-in-law in it!  Isn't it crazy, yet beautiful?  What a sign!

Lastly, I bought these beautiful earrings from my co-worker from her Paparazzi Jewlery business!

So far it sounds like Jay may have Saturday off from work - I'm keeping my fingers crossed because I've really been missing him.  I'm looking forward to spending quality time with him.  Last weekend we had so much stuff to do between ordering our new washer/dryer combo to waiting on the delivery to Jason needing to dissemble part of our cabinet in our laundry room so the unit could fit. Not to mention, I felt like crap all weekend last weekend, dealing with a migraine headache, so I slept most of the weekend.  With not having really felt good this past week and having had issues with my toe healing from surgery, I'm just trying to get what I can done that needs to get done and then spend the rest of the weekend relaxing with Jay and our fur babies.  We were supposed to go to Lowe's with dad this weekend so we could pick out supplies for the laundry room remodel but that will have to wait until things settle down a bit.  I have another surgery coming up this Thursday, so I'll be down and out again.

September Reads: What I'll Be Reading in the Month of September

 

These are the five books that I have chosen to read in the month of September.  I think five is a good goal for someone who hasn't read in a while.  Whatever I don't read, I will just carry over into October.  I haven't decided if I want to dedicate a post a piece for a review of each book or do them all in a single post.

Weekly Wrap-up and Weekend Wind-down

Well, the weekend is just about over.  I don't have Monday off for Labor Day.  Jay has tomorrow and Tuesday off.  Thursday, I went for another toenail removal surgery.  The right foot is done - just have two more to go on the left foot.  Jay and I went to Lowes Friday morning and purchased our GE Profile One and Done washer and dryer combo unit.  We got it delivered and installed today around noon which was nice seeing as how our delivery window was estimated between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m.  Jay had to dissemble our cabinets above the washer hook-up area so that the unit would fit.  Jay's dad is going to help build me a laundry folding station across from the new unit seeing as how we don't need that space for a dryer anymore!  We are going to take down the paneling on the walls in the laundry room and paint, then we need to get materials for Jay's dad to build the table.  Jay also wants to paint the kitchen cabinets, walls and trim so he asked me to pick out the colors for that as well.  We are also going to get new hardware for the cabinets and drawers.

I think I'm going to go with these two colors - the color "cosmos" for the wall paint and the color "peppercorn" for the trim for the laundry room.

And then for the kitchen and dining-room, going with the color "cream in my coffee" for the walls and the color "black bean" for the trim.  Will probably do the cabinets in "black bean" as well as use the color "cream in my coffee" to paint the trim in the design of the wood in the doors.  

I didn't really get to rest this weekend much.  I was too busy getting shit done in the house to prepare for the delivery and had to cook for the week.  Laundry is just now getting done as we only just got our new unit today.  I had to work on a customer's custom phone case this weekend too.  I wanted to do a cookout for Labor Day and also go to the hot air balloon festival in town and see Martina McBride, but I didn't get that far unfortunately.  Between the migraine and homeowner stuff - I guess that's life.  I had a killer migraine just about all weekend.  I subscribed to Amazon Kindle, so I've been reading a bit this week and weekend which is something I've been wanting to do more of.  I will be reading some books and doing reviews on them.  In another post, I will be revealing which books I will be reading in the month of September, one of which I already started.

I guess next weekend I won't be getting much rest either between attempting a redemption Labor Day cookout and having to go to Lowe's to look at materials to do more homeowner shit.  Yay!  It will all be worth it in the end though!  Jay and I are SO ready to get this house the way WE want it, especially after having lived in it for 7ish years.  There are so many things we want to do in this house, but that's another post for another day.

Throw-back Tuesday - 90's Edition: My Favorite Things I Grew Up With

I'm a 90's baby - I was born in 1991 to be exact!  I thought it would be fun to do a post on things that I enjoyed in the 90's!  I really don't think I need to explain any of these - they speak for themselves.  There are so many more things that I enjoyed about the 90's like roller-skating at Roller Magic and going to the Discovery Zone.  The 90's were truly the best - a time when there were less worries in the world and it was a better place.

Things That Aggravate Me In A Public Restroom

This is a silly post, but I know that we ALL share public restroom frustrations!  So, without further ado, let's begin!

Toilet flushes a second or third time before you can even get out of the stall - Look, I'm slow getting myself back together after I'm finished using the toilet - you don't need to let the rest of the people in the restroom know that toilet...or thinking, "what is that girl flushing down that toilet that she needs to flush two or three times?"

Water won't stay on long enough to finish washing hands - 20 seconds is the appropriate amount of time to spend washing your hands, not 5.  Then you try to reactive the sensor, waving your hand in front of it like an idiot and it still doesn't want to come back on!

Paper towel dispenser never puts out a long enough paper towel - I have fat hands, I often have to use two sheets of paper towel to get my hands completely dry.

Stall won't lock - Then you have to come back out of it without having done your business like an idiot to change stalls.

Spaces in stall are big enough for people to see through - There is a door on it for a reason - for privacy!  I don't want people to be able to see through it!

Toilets are too high or too low - If my feet aren't on the ground while sitting on the toilet, there is a problem.  If I feel like I'm sitting on the ground while sitting on the toilet, this is also a problem.

Stalls are too small - If my legs are hitting the stall wall or toilet paper dispenser while I'm trying to wipe myself, this is also yet again a problem.

Sink water is set to cold - This annoys me because how does cold water actually clean your hands?

Toilet paper is too tight on roller so you can only pull one square at a time - This is so frustrating, especially when you can't even get a full square without it ripping!

Stall is out of toilet paper - I can't tell you how many times I've already done my business just to find there is no toilet paper in the stall.  Eventually, I became smart enough to check the stall beforehand.

Toilet is dirty - Seeing someone else's business left in the toilet is just disgusting because they didn't flush or clogged the toilet, shit smeared on the seat or dribbles of pee on the seat!  UGH!

Strands of hair in the sink - I don't know why but this skeeves me out!

Am I missing anything or did I cover it all?

The Past Week and It's Weekend

This past week went by quick as I had Monday off.  I got ahold of the podiatrist office finally and scheduled the remaining appointments I needed to have my other three toenails removed.  I'm leaving work every other Thursday starting this coming Thursday early so I can get another one removed.  Our dryer has been acting up.  Jay's dad and I tried to fix it this weekend, but we can't tell where the problem is coming from.  The units are around ten years old, so we are just going to buy a new unit.  Jay's dad is going to take all of the metal from the dryer for his own personal use and we may try to sell our washer.  We are purchasing a "one and done" unit, a unit that washes and dries all in one.  I went to Lowe's and took a look at it on Saturday with Jay's dad.  I fell in love with it, so I took Jay today to take a look at it and he fell in love with it too.  We are putting half down and financing the rest for 24-months no interest.

They have a sale on it right now, but we are going to wait until the first of the month because the manager said there might be a better sale.  She will give us whatever the better price will be - either this sale price or the one coming up, whichever is better.  But we are definitely buying it either way!  We are going Friday morning to make the purchase and set up the delivery and install!  Jay already applied for and got approved for the Lowe's credit card, so we are all set to go!  I had to dry our clothes at his dad's house yesterday because right now, we don't have a working dryer.  This all-in-one unit is going to save us space.  We are going to close off the dryer vent area and make something out of that area, most likely a laundry folding station.  Jason and I are also looking at buying new ceiling fans for the dining-room and bedroom as well.  Next on our list is a new bedroom set.

Jay had to fix our toilet in the main bathroom - it was leaking.  The tank bolts needed to be replaced.  I made macaroni salad, BBQ kielbasa and hotdogs for dinner for the week.  The hot air balloon festival is this weekend - Jay and I are going on Sunday because country music singer Martina McBride is playing for free at the civic center!  I can't wait!  My best-friend Laura and her fiancé might join us too.

I had my 90-day work review and it went well!  I also had my predictive index reading review and that went good as well.  I didn't agree with how it claimed I was an extrovert, but I agreed with the other aspects of it, like, being person of structure, requiring clear instruction, that I perform work quickly and accurately and that I have strong business ethics.  So, I have survived 90-days at Arthrex and am now out of probation!  I'll be working on the start-up of my new business for the remainder of the year that will be launching at the beginning of 2024!  There are SO many exciting things coming soon!  But yeah, that's how my week and its weekend went.  This weekend was a little hectic, especially because Jay had to work but we are winding down now and relaxing for the remainder of it.

The Last Letter: Open When I Die

Warning: This post may contain content that is triggering or excessively morbid.  Viewer discretion is advised.

I've been thinking a lot about doing this lately.  What provoked this thought were two different event's that actually happened this year.  So, as you know, Jay's mom passed away back in April.  But another wonderful lady that I had been following her journey on TikTok named Haley lost her battle to cervical cancer this year as well.  She inspired me to think about doing this myself as she prepared her husband and son for her death as much as she possibly could with the time that she had left on earth as well as for the afterlife that they would have to endure without her after her passing.  Not too many people think about death when they are very much alive and in most cases, you're never prepared for it.  However, with all the turmoil and grief that Jason, his father and I have gone through and continue to go through over having lost his mom this year, I think this is something that I would very much like to do, especially for Jason.  It absolutely shattered my heart when Jay's mom passed away and I'm still having a tough time with it.  There are a lot of things that I wonder and try to figure out every day, replaying events that went down and wondering what she would have thought, wanted or said to or about certain things.  I don't want Jay to ever be left guessing when it comes to me - if I ever give him anything in this lifetime, keeping him guessing for the rest of his life after I leave this god forsaken earth is not something that I'd want to put him through.

I want Jason to know exactly what I think and feel about him and us and allow him to be able to read it as often as he needs to in order to bring him peace.  We've already been together going on 13 years this coming November - he's my forever person.  We've talked about our wishes for certain things should we both take a turn for the worst at any given time.  We also talked about if we'd ever try to move on and fall in love again too.  We had a lot of these conversations, especially after his mom passed away.  These conversations are never easy, but they are necessary.  The longer I spend with Jason, the more I'm sure that I'll never move on and fall in love again because no one could ever compare to him.  I know a lot of people would say, "You don't know that you wouldn't fall in love again..."  Well, yes, I do.  If I was committed to him while we were alive, that won't stop in the afterlife, at least not for me.  There is no way that with everything I have personally been through and everything that we have personally been through that I would ever open up to anyone else.  If Jay chooses to move on with someone else after I pass away, as hard as it is to even imagine that, I woefully respect his decision to do so.  I feel that I might even write a letter to his future partner as well - nothing hateful...just a letter of mindfulness to her.

These letters are going to take me some time to write as I want to make sure I express every last detail of every last thought that I want to convey, especially the one I write to Jay.  I will place it in an envelope and put it somewhere safe, more than likely, a fire safe box and I will tell Jason the whereabouts of the letters and that they are not to be opened until the day comes or when he is ready - but not before the day comes.  Jason means that much to me that I want to do this for him but also because I know how he is, and I know he'll need it to help him through - he holds all his emotions and feelings in.  Second to losing his parents and/or his brother, it will devastate him if he ever loses me.  I'm not saying that to be cocky - it's just that we really do rely on each other so much, we have been through a lot of shit that was meant to break us, and we have built a trust and a love like no other.  Not very many people think to do something like this for their other half before they pass.  If there are two things that I don't do very well, it's trusting and loving.  Jason is the only one in this entire world that will ever get the entirety of me in everything that I am - he's the only one that will ever have my full trust and love.

It may be morbid, but I think it's a selfless, sincere gesture.  If you're someone who loves as deeply as I do, you'll understand - especially if you don't love easily.

Monday Musings: Something I'd Like To Talk About But I'm Not Sure Where To Begin

Disclaimer:  This post is from the perspective of a subscriber to medical insurance.

Lately, I've been having a lot of thoughts about the way medical insurance companies work or rather, don't work.  About two years ago, I found myself sitting in a bariatric surgeon's office discussing options for weight loss due to my various other medical conditions that I struggle with.  I was in and out of the hospital a lot two years ago.  I have two different back diseases - facet joint hypertrophy and degenerative disc disease.  I also have fatty liver disease as well as gastroparesis.  In the way of eating healthier and exercising, these two very conventional means of losing weight are unfortunately not very much on my side due to my medical issues.  The issues I have with gastroparesis makes it difficult for me to eat healthy as a lot of the things I'd have to eat aggravate my gastroparesis and cause it to flare up.  On the exercise front, I'm in a constant state of pain with my back issues so I'm very limited on exercise to the point where it wouldn't be enough to lose the amount of weight that I need to.  

The doctor wanted to perform gastric bypass on me for this reason but also because the surgery would allow them to bypass the stomach.  My stomach paresis causes my stomach emptying to be delayed by four hours.  Unfortunately, even with the more than justified medical reasoning, insurance will not pay for it.  In the past three years, I've had two different types of "working insurance" and they both will not cover it even if the doctor has a medical reason for it.  If I chose not to work and got Medicaid, I'd be all set as it would be covered.  Now, I could end up with diabetes, cirrhosis of the liver and the list goes on.  What baffles me the most is that insurance is willing to pay out more in the long run to save on an upfront surgery that could prevent them paying out more in the long run.  Now I could understand if the patient in question was healthy enough to lose weight on their own and just wanted gastric bypass surgery for quick results, cosmetic reasons, etc.  But insurance companies are not thinking in the long-term that they would have to pay for potentially countless other medical treatment for various other medical conditions that they may could have avoided if they just covered gastric bypass.  At least change the terms and conditions of covering it to where it's pending pre-authorization. 

I got so discouraged two years ago that I just gave up on any and all idea of ever getting healthy.  I felt like the healthcare system failed me, insurance failed me.  But this is not the first time I've been through this.  This also applies to the mental health field all the way up to my recent experience at the podiatrist.  Two years ago, I was able to get two toenails removed at one appointment.  The podiatrist informed me at my appointment this past Thursday that now insurance makes them schedule each toenail removal separately.  For what reason when you have to get them removed anyways?  The insurance company also won't cover preventative measures to have toenail growth corrected.  So again, you rather just keep paying for patients to have reoccurring issues then?  This is all crazy to me!

I get that insurance companies don't want to pay out for anything that is not necessary or "cosmetic" but at least allow coverage under the terms and conditions that the treatment is necessary per the doctor to prevent unnecessary reoccurring issues.  This topic really infuriates me as people have to suffer at the expense of the insurance companies, but more so, if you're a lazy couch potato who just doesn't want to work and gets Medicaid, you're all set - but the working people are screwed, am I right?  Do I have that correct?  Are we seeing out of the same lense here?  This all stems back to even when my mother-in-law fell sick.

Obviously, the hospital took care of her conditions because a hospital can't deny you with or without insurance.  However, when it came to her being transferred to the rehab center, insurance only covers 100 days max in a rehab center despite your medical condition.  So, what you're telling me is that you're going to classify and group up everyone as a whole instead of looking at all the different variables that determine who may need more or less time in rehab?  Why are they not making exceptions based on individual's situations?  You can't compare someone who had a broken femur to someone who had a massive stroke.  Make that make sense? 

Now, I don't know the ins and outs of insurance - I'm only speaking from a subscriber of insurance and what I have personally experienced with it.  I'm only seeing it from one perspective, so if anyone who has more incite on what I'm experiencing and can teach me something more about this topic, I'd definitely be open to having a further discussion on this.

Things I Need to Do That I Keep Forgetting About

I'm awful at remembering things, especially when I feel like they are things that I can put on the back burner for more important things.  That being said, here are the things I need to do that I keep forgetting about:

☐ Schedule vet appointments for fur babies that are due to go

☐ Schedule Rebel for a haircut

☐ Schedule myself for a haircut

☐ Schedule myself a pap smear

I can really do the two middle ones at the same time.  PetSmart and Great Clips are in the same plaza.  So, one Friday I have off, I can knock them two off at the same time.  I need to schedule the fur babies for their check-up/vaccination appointment as well.  I could do that tomorrow when I also make my phone call to the podiatrist.  If I'm being honest, I've been putting off the pap smear but I'm going to call and schedule that as well tomorrow.  I have a week off in October, so I think that's when I'll get that done and over with.  I hate going for a pap smear as I think most women do...but it's something that has to get done, nonetheless.

I guess I just made this post to mostly remind myself not to forget about doing these things because low and behold, it'd be bound to happen!

I think what's on today's agenda is just a few more household chores and relaxation.

Happy Sunday ya'll!  Whatever it is you need to get done, I hope you do!

You'd Never Believe Me If I Told You

 Happy Saturday, folks!

Work was pretty good this past week.  I decided to take a PTO day from work on Thursday and schedule me an emergency appointment to have my right big toenail removed because it just kept getting infected.  Friday's is OT for me so if I take a Thursday off, I also get Friday, Saturday and Sunday off.  I also took this Monday off just in case.  Seeing how I was getting a surgical procedure done, I wanted time to heal.  So, Thursday morning I took off to the podiatrist, thinking I was just going to get a toenail removed.  When the doctor came in to look at my feet, she told me that the infected toe had a tumor.  Excuse me - what?  Yes.  You read that right - a tumor.  I was just as shocked as you are reading this right now.  Apparently, you can get benign tumors in your body from trauma, and you can also get a tumor in your toe at that!

While I was there, we discussed the treatment plan for the other three toenails.  At first, I was convinced that I wanted them all removed, and chemical burned for permanent removal because I'm sick and tired of them growing back in wrong, getting infected and having to keep getting them removed.  She told me that I might want to explore other options first before doing a permanent removal because there is no going back after that.  With the way insurance works now, you can only get one toenail removed at a time.  Each toenail removal requires a 2-week post-op follow-up.  We discussed this new method of corrective putty that will hopefully train the toenail to grow in properly.  This takes place roughly four months after the toenails have been removed, so with that being said, I need to schedule these other three removals back-to-back.  The goal is to get one removed at each post-op follow-up appointment from the previous removal.  I e-mailed my boss and let him know about the plan and to see if it was something he could help me out with.  I'll be off work Monday as well so I will be speaking with my doctor's nurse at some point to go over the plan and see if it's something she'd be on board with.

I changed my bedding over and did tons of laundry.  We're just going to eat Salisbury steaks this week for dinner with roasted red potatoes, corn and coleslaw.  Isabelle hung out with me through all my household chores yesterday from changing the bedding to doing the laundry - she was mad when I took the socks away from her! LOL!  Then she wore herself out and found herself a nice comfy blanket on the bed to rest on.  I came back into the bedroom after starting the first load of laundry and found this:

Jay hates when I take pictures of him sleeping, but when he has all three of my fur babies with him, how can I not get them all in the same picture!  Jay went out to cut the grass while I was inside getting things done.  Once he got all showered up, we went and got Burger King then came home to eat dinner and watch Black Sheep with Chris Farley and David Spade.  The first soak I did on my toe yesterday absolutely sucked!  The gauze was stuck to my toe, and I had to basically pry it off.  I did so under the water I was soaking in, and it still hurt like a bitch.

I dozed off early last night then woke up and ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's at 3 a.m. because my throat was incredibly sore and also, why not?  That's one of the many perks of being an adult - you can do what you want, when you want.  Tomorrow I'm going to do another load of laundry and get a few other things done around the house.  I'm probably going to make us grilled cheese for lunch with some tomato soup then we are having fish sticks for dinner!  I haven't had them in long time, so I thought, "Why not?"  I'm also going to prepare our sides for our dinner for the week and get them all cooked up.  The Salisbury steak is just in a frozen pack that can be done up in the microwave, so I'm going to just pop them in fresh.  I know, I know - frozen meal but I'm just tired of actually cooking and just wanted a break from it.

I hope ya'll are having a wonderful weekend.

Common Misconceptions V.S Facts about Introverts (Introvert Series: Part 2)

Introverts Don't Like People - This is not at all true and is a very broad statement.  However, we do tend to avoid people who come baring negativity in any form, especially conflict or drama.  Overly socializing can cause us anxiety so imagine adding conflict or drama to that mix.  We don't mind people in general but prefer that if we are going to be around people, to refrain from large crowds.

Introverts Are Shy - I can definitely attest that this is 110% a myth.  And if you ARE shy, it's got nothing to do with being an introvert.  Being quiet for an introvert can mean a lot of things.  When I'm introduced to a new group of people (EX: Starting a new job), I'm quiet as to observe my environment and the people in it, being cautious.  Once I get a feel for the people that I'll be around, I will socialize but it's not due to being shy - it's a self-protection tactic.  We just don't like to be the center of attention and public speaking is definitely not our thing!

Introverts Are Unhappy and Unapproachable - This also is 110% a myth.  Whether someone is dealing with depression or has bouts of being unapproachable has nothing to do with being an introvert.  I have chronic mental health issues with anxiety, depression, stress and PTSD - not to mention all my physical ailments, so if I'm personally seemingly unhappy or unapproachable, it's usually due to my disorders flaring up, not the fact that I'm an introvert.

Introverts Never Like to Go Out - Again, not true.  I do prefer to mostly stay in as I'm a homebody, but I do also like going out from time to time.  I enjoy going on vacations and select events. 

Introverts are Difficult and Like to Argue - WRONG!  This is actually the exact opposite.  We don't like conflict and avoid it at all costs.  In fact, if we get the sense that YOU are the arguing type, we'll just let you go on thinking you're right even if you're wrong.

The thing about being an introvert is most people associate it with negative personality traits and can't decipher the difference between what is part of a general personality characteristic and what is part of a cause to a situation.  Usually, people are ignorant on the things they choose not to educate themselves about - that's a fact!

Now that we have covered some misconceptions, let's get into the actual facts of being an introvert versus an extrovert!  Knowledge is power!

Tips Tuesday: How to be Social in the Workplace When You're an Extreme Introvert (Introvert Series: Part 1)

If you're anything like me, you've done at least 90% or better of the above!  To say the least, I'd DEFINITELY win bingo if this was in fact a bingo game.  There are many reasons why someone could be an introvert - my reason why?  Trauma.  I've had a lot of extreme negative experiences with people that have led me to an introvert personality.  This is not to say that I don't like people or don't want to be around people.  I just prefer to spend the majority of my free time alone.  There are a lot of misconceptions about introverts and challenges that we face on a daily basis being an introvert.  This topic will most likely become a series because this is not talked about enough and needs awareness brought to it.

This post will give tips as to how to be more social in the workplace when you're an extreme introvert.  What prompted this particular topic is that I have recently found myself struggling with this.  I started a new job back in May of this year and it's very much a different work environment - a more positive, "happy" one.  Not only am I an introvert, but I also struggle with chronic anxiety and depression as well as PTSD.  Because of this, I tend to not come across to other people in the best manner all the time.  I've had a lot of false accusations made about me which made me feel bad about myself.  The truth is, there are SO many people in this world with all different levels of perception and sensitivity - it's nearly impossible to accommodate them all.  I'm not saying change yourself for anyone by any means when I give these tips, but merely advising you to practice mindfulness - there is a difference!

Tip #1: Facial Expressions - I have a resting bitch face practically all the time.  I deal with a lot of issues with my mental health and physical health on a daily basis.  A good majority of the time, if my facial expressions appear negative, it's either got to do with what I'm dealing with in my head, in my body or both.  The reason is very rarely anything other than that.  However, others don't always know what you're going through and could take your facial expressions personally.  Try to be mindful of your facial expressions when you are able to catch yourself and if you find yourself in a situation with another person where they make a comment, just briefly let them in on the know so no false accusations can be made.

Tip #2: Being Overly Quiet - When I'm dealing with something mentally or physically, I get more quiet than normal.  Sometimes I really just don't want to be bothered to be honest.  So that I contribute my part to a peaceful work environment, I make an effort to speak to others every so often.  I always make sure first that I genuinely want to speak to the person as not to be fake.  Often times people can take someone being overly quiet as anti-social or unapproachable.

Tip #3: You Have to Handle Everyone Differently - You have to watch what you say and who you say it to.  With certain people, you have to watch what you say and the tone you're saying it in.  Some people don't like talking about certain topics, prefer to not hear cuss words and some others take sensitivity to how you say something and in what tone you say it in.  I've been misunderstood a lot in my life and had to try to clarify what I actually meant to the person on the receiving end.  Incorrectly conveying messages is a fault of mine and is something that I continue to work on.

Tip #4: Be Responsive w/ Empathy When the Situation Calls for it - Sometimes interactions call for minimal talking and more listening.  There are times where people just need a listening ear.  If you've done something wrong in a situation, own it and apologize for it.  I like to follow up owning what I do wrong and apologizing with a, "I'm going to work on that".  It shows that you are going to hold yourself accountable for your actions and speaks volumes about your character.  It's not always an easy thing to do but it's very necessary.

Tip #5: Keep Your Mood in Check - Being an introvert, we tend to get overwhelmed excessively when we are in environments that require us to be social which can lead to anxiety.  When the combination takes place, sometimes we can become in a snippy mood - especially if you're someone like me who deals with a lot mentally and physically.  Sometimes I'm in so much pain physically that it's difficult for me to keep my mood in check.  Maybe try forewarning the person you have to have direct contact with if you can't guarantee your mood status that way it doesn't come as such a shock to them.

Tip #6: Take a Minute if you Need it - Like I said above, being an introvert can be overwhelming and can cause anxiety when we are forced to be in a social environment.  If you find yourself getting worked up, perhaps excuse yourself and go to the bathroom where you can take a breather for a minute.  It's perfectly acceptable to do.  When you have an opportunity to work by yourself throughout the workday, take that time to find your Zen so that you can keep yourself well balanced throughout your workday.

Tip #7: Attempt to Clarify Yourself - If you find yourself in an unsatisfactory situation with a co-worker, attempt to clarify yourself.  If you can't do so in the moment because either party is angered, try to reconvene at a later time.  We often, by human nature, tend to play the victim in a negative situation - but attempting to reflect on what you could have done wrong in the given situation is the mature thing to do.  Also letting the other person know how they made you feel is also acceptable.  You can only be responsible for your actions and yours alone.  If you attempt to clear things up with said person and they just won't have it, that's on them - not you.  If you come to that crossroad, you have to just move on - that's all you can do.  I've been in both types of situations - (A): Where I was able to communicate with the person I was having a conflict with and was able to resolve it mutually. (B): Where I attempted to communicate with the person I was having a conflict with and they just didn't want to hear it.  It is what it is.

Stay tuned on my next post on introverts and the many misconceptions we face on a daily basis!

8 Products that I Love and Use Regularly

 8 Products that I Love and Use Regularly

EOS Chapstick - keeps my lips hydrated and soft!

Coco Colada Whipped Shea Body Butter by Tree Hut - I use this stuff everywhere - on my tattoos to my face!  Smells great!  It's a wonderful moisturizer.

Dove Body Wash - multiple scents but I do favor the shea butter ones as they leave my skin moisturized and soft.

Velvet Coffee Sugar Scrub by Tree Hut - Literally smells like freshly brewed coffee.  The sugar granules are small for a mess free exfoliation.

OGX Coconut Miracle Oil Shampoo and Conditioner - This stuff is great!  Enough said!

CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser - I have a lot of issues with my skin and this stuff is the best I've found to keep my skin issues at bay!

Bath and Bodyworks Coco Paradise Body Spray and Body Cream - But really anything that smells nice from them!  Their scents are long lasting and light!  Do you see a trend?  I love ALL things coconut!!

Flamingo Body Wax Strips - This is a new product I tried this past month because I'm finally getting tired of shaving and want the hair to stay gone longer - Jay waxed my legs for me as I've been having problems with my back, so bending down has been a challenge!  Isn't he SO sweet for doing that for me?  I don't know ANY man that would do that for their partner!  So far, they work well!  $10 for a pack of 28 strips!  I just NOW have hair growing back after about three weeks!

Weekend Wind-Down: Weekends Don't Last Long Enough

I had a three-day weekend as I'm on a rotation every other Friday for overtime.  It sure was nice but makes me dread the weeks where I have to work Friday's.  I slept a lot on Friday - I've been just completely exhausted and really not feeling too well lately.  I also worked on some phone cases for myself.  I'm trying my hand at the decoden again to see if I can get it right.  I will be testing durability over the next few weeks with the cases that I made for myself.  But I mostly just got rest and did household chores this weekend.  I made a pizza pasta casserole that came out absolutely delicious!  I'm definitely making it again.

Last week my co-worker invited me to join her Facebook live for a company's jewelry she sells called Paparazzi.  I wasn't really interested at first, but I got sucked in!  I'm going to be purchasing more jewelry from her in the near future.  I purchased a whole set the second time I watched her live.

I absolutely LOVE that stars and moon collection, especially the earrings!  But anyway, Saturday babe cut the grass and then later on we got Burger King for dinner.  The Burger King that we normally go to was only accepting cash, so we went to the other one in town and their food sucked!  The fries were okay, but my chicken sandwich was definitely cooked with old oil - gross!  Other than that, I just played a lot of Farmville 2 and relaxed.  Jay and I watched Napoleon Dynamite while we ate dinner.  I've been dealing with a cyst that has been growing near my private area - I've been treating it with soaks and warm compresses, and it has gone down a little.  It's not so sore anymore.

Cali let me cut her nails today even though she bit me once - which was okay because it wasn't a true bite, more like a warning nip, but she did really good for the most part.  I worked on my blog some today, like the actual layout formatting.  I'm so rusty with HTML but I figured it out - ya know, just trying to get things where I want them or don't want them.  My goal is to make this blog like my own little home on the internet, a place I can be comfy, that I can call mine.  That was pretty much my weekend in a nutshell.

10 Things Thursday: What I'm Looking Forward to from Now until the End of Next Year

Progressing in my healing journey - like I've mentioned several times, it's been a tough road for me this past year.  I've watched my mother-in-law go from being in a coma (fully intubated), to coming out of it and seeming like she was making progress, to her back sliding in her progress and then coming home and passing away about a week later.  It hasn't been easy - it put a whole entire stop on our lives and turned them completely upside down.  She was a great mother and my best-friend who I could tell just about anything to.  No matter where I'm at in my healing journey, my heart will always be heavy having lost her and there isn't a single day that will go by where I won't miss her.

Working on my happiness and inner peace - I'm working on this little by little, day by day.  It's definitely difficult when you've had so many life experiences that have shown you how ugly the world and the people in it can truly be.  I'm not saying the whole world and everyone in it is ugly - I'm just saying that I've had some experiences that have caused my significant trauma to where I'm more cautious than the average person.  Yes, I know - I'm not the only one who has gone through some shit but damn, am I allowed to just speak for myself here?  We all process things differently - some things are harder for others to go through.

Working on my general health - This one continues to be a challenge.  I have a lot of issues with anxiety, depression and stress as far as my mental health goes.  I also suffer from PTSD and have panic attack disorder.  This all leads to me having issues with binge eating as a crutch to get through it all.  I'd like to take time to work on both my mental and physical health.  I'm not quite sure how to go about it.  I'm very overwhelmed when it comes to this because I have extreme restrictions due to medical issues on what I can and can't do.

Making my home more "homier" - I've been thinking a lot about this one.  There are quite a few things I'd like to do in our house.  We've talked about re-doing in the floors, resurfacing the fireplace, painting, re-doing counter-tops, sinks, showers, buying new furniture, etc.  It's all very exciting and I think after almost 8 years of living in this house, we deserve to make it our own.

Taking a very much needed vacation - We weren't able to take a vacation this year due to Jay's mom passing away - we had to attend her funeral instead.  I started a new job as soon as I returned back to town without much time to grieve, let alone relax.  Jay and I like the beach, so more than likely, we will be going to the beach next year.

Saving money better - I'm getting better at this, but I'd like to save more money if possible.  I'm working on paying down my credit cards.  We have a lot of things we'd like to do in our home which takes a lot of money, but I know it will be worth it!

Starting my resin art business - I tried to do a custom decoden art phone case business last year and it didn't quite work out for me, so I've been researching what I might like to try next.  Note to self: Start small incase it doesn't work out!  I want to make custom charchuterie boards, shot glass holder paddles, coasters and their respective holders, accessories to go with the charchuterie boards, wine glass stoppers, cutting boards, etc...I love art and I love creating things!

Hopefully getting married (finally) - Everyone knows I already call Jay my husband because we have been together going on 13 years.  We aren't legally married, however.  We are hoping to change that within the next year or so!

Quitting vaping - This has also been a struggle because I use it as a coping mechanism for my stress.  I'm hoping to quit soon in hopes of bettering my health and my habits!

Getting out more - This is hard coming from someone who is an introvert.  I prefer to stay in as I'm a home body, but I also like going out from time to time.  It's also hard having chronic anxiety and depression.

There are many more things I'd like to work on - this is definitely not an exhaustive list.  This is merely just a basic self-guide reference of things I'd like to work on over the next year.

Mid-Week Catch-up: It's Been a Crazy Week Ya'll!

 Phew!

When I tell ya'll it's been a crazy week - It's been a CRAZY week!  It messed up all the plans I had to blog, so I apologize that I'm just now getting the opportunity to post!  Monday, we got a bad storm here in South Carolina where I live - trees were down everywhere and our power went out right after I warmed up my dinner.  I had to take a slight detour going home as there was a two-ton tree down in the middle of one of the roads that I take to get home from work.  Our power came back on about 12:30 p.m. on Tuesday.  When I was leaving work Tuesday afternoon, they had the main road closed down due to a tree down on some power lines.  What is usually a 15-minute drive home, took me a little over an hour - traffic was bumper to bumper.  So, to say the least, I've had an aggravating beginning to my week.  Supposedly we are supposed to be getting more storm like weather tomorrow that's going to be like Monday's storm and I'm dreading it because the storm we had on Monday looked like a tornado ripped through our town!

But work has been going much better for me.  I've been practicing being mindful all week and it's really paid off.  I realized that I don't have to be so angry and bitter all the time.  Life's been really tough for me lately having lost my mother-in-law back in April and I've been walking around with this really heavy chip on my shoulder because of it.  I don't want to be an ugly person and I'm still struggling to get through it.  I'm just taking it day by day.  Yesterday our crew-coordinator put me working with this wonderful woman named Casey and I've really been enjoying working with her - we've been having some really nice conversations at work.  I could definitely see myself being friends with her!  

We had a really good meal today at work!  And tomorrow we are getting an hour lunch because they are going to have two food trucks on site, and we get to tour the brand-new building they built next door which is super cool - that's where our suture department is going to be.

This past weekend, Jay and I binged on Taco Bell and Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  I also made home-made beef stroganoff.  I had to work over-time this past Friday, but we got off a little early which was nice.  I have this Friday off, so happy three-day weekend to me!  Yay!  Oh - and I purchased tickets for Jay, Jay's dad and I to go watch the Tour of Destruction on October 28th.  I'm excited!!

I love comfy weekends in the house!

This was just too cute - my whole entire world in one picture! 😊

My mom also went to my grandfather's and mother-in-law's grave this past weekend.  She put flowers on both of them from me since I can't be there.  Look how pretty my mother-in-law's grave is right now!

My mom did a wonderful job! 💗

I haven't been feeling the best this past week as I've been dealing with migraines but I'm getting through it.  I've been in a lot of pain lately and very tired.  But other than that, I've been having a great week other than the few inconveniences that frustrated me on my way home from work.  One more workday to get through before my much-needed three-day weekend!!